You meet some new people at a party. After a great conversation (as far as you can tell), you all exchange numbers and agree to meet up later in the week for a brunch.
Excited, you decide to message the group-chat a few days later, “Hey! How about brunch on Thursday?”
Silence. Well, not exactly silence. You can hear the rejection coming off the phone through their lack of responses.
You’re frustrated. This keeps on happening to you. Within every friend group, people just stop texting you. No invites. No social events. No emotional moments. Yet, you see them having fun on social media with others. You crave a social life. Why didn’t they invite you (assuming you are a reasonable, good person)?
First of all, the basic reasons should be knocked out:
- They were all busy.
- They already had a friend group.
- You didn’t vibe (it happens).
- They had different priorities (it happens).
Feel free to stop reading here if you found a reason that satisfies you. However, if no one ever vibes with you and that everyone just happens to have different priorities all the time, then keep on reading. This is where you can start seeing the truth.
- They forgot about you.
Let’s say that someone had Barack Obama in their phone. They wouldn’t simply forget about Barack Obama. When your crush or “friends” decided to stop texting you (forever), they didn’t simply forget. They decided to reject you without a word of courtesy.
The next reasons will hurt to hear.
- You are needy.
- You are impulsive (in a bad way).
- You are overly aggressive in trying to force a friendship.
- You have some glaring bad quality.
The worst part is that the “friends” you had never had the honesty to tell you what you were doing wrong.
So, why are you doing so poorly in the social world? My guess is this. You have some kind of past pain/trauma that is causing you to be stressed out.
“Traumatized children tend to have overactive stress responses, and, as we’ve seen these can make them aggressive, impulsive, and needy. These children are difficult, they are easy to upset, and hard to calm, they may overreact to the slightest novelty or change, and they often don’t know how to think before they act. Before they can make any kind of lasting change to their behavior, they need to feel safe and loved. However, many of the treatment programs and other interventions aimed at them get it backwards: they take a punitive approach and hope to lure children into good behavior by restoring love and safety only if the children first start acting “better.”
Troubled children are in some kind of pain – and pain makes people irritable, anxious, and aggressive.”
Bruce Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook – What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing
So, what is your pain?
Once you resolve it, you will start improving yourself in all aspects of life, and you will slowly get better with people. Of course, the “friends” from the past may not come back, but I’m sure you can make new ones.
[Note: The basic reasons are probably why you get rejected. The human mind can tend to generalize. After three rejections, you might think that you have glaring social issues, but this might not be the case. Person one may have been busy. Person two may have forgot. And, person three may not have vibed with you. Each person is a separate case.]
[Note: Rejection is also a very normal part of life.]