On Why Loving Yourself is Not a Perfect Idea

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We have all heard it before.

Someone says, “Why can’t I find love?”

Someone else responds with, “Just love yourself! You’ll find someone.”

Ok fine. I’ve decided that I love myself and my actions! I’m going to text that person and get a date. And, they just ignored me.

“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.” Women were told that they didn’t need men, and vice versa. People without any relationships were believed to be as healthy as those who had many. These ideas contradict the fundamental biology of human species: we are social mammals and could never have survived without deeply interconnected and interdependent human contact. The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”

Bruce Perry, The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook

In short, we need other humans to truly love.

However, if our love is being ignored, it isn’t simply disappearing. It is going somewhere. When you take a loving action, you are adding to the overall love of the universe even if you don’t see results. Think of it this way. The person who ignored you may have gotten a nice self-esteem boost from ignoring your text!

Like most things in life, there isn’t a easy solution, but did you catch the solution in the previous line?

Our love isn’t simply disappearing. It is going somewhere. Keep on trying. You may find unexpected rewards.

[Image by Stux from Pixabay]

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